On Being “Self-Righteous”

*Warning: Rants and Cusses Ahead

Nearing the New Year’s eve, I was going down the trip to memory lane as I thought of what had happened throughout this year. To sum up, it’s been a whole roller-coaster ride of emotions, with all the ups and downs of joy in companionship and travelling, along with the constantly plummeting academic zeal. I probably just sighed my life out of me.

That brought me to recall a certain memory about the very first bad encounter I had with my roommate, which did not get any better afterwards that I decided to move out early next month. It was a fine Sunday morning, the best hours to sleep in a little before one instinctively wake up for brunch. The roommate by then has woken up for at least half an hour already, and she did not seem to be able to handle things gently; a trend I have observed since the first few weeks of sharing the room together. She might be too immersed in the rush of preparing herself for whatever reason I do not have any interest in knowing, or maybe she simply have picked up that horrendous habit of hers for too long that it seemed just proper to slam the door, smash her plastic container of clothing when opening, closing and re-arranging it underneath the bed, and use the hair-dryer just a meter from a sleeping roommate (ME!). Or, it might be just me, waking up in the wrong side of the bed that particular Sunday morning, but I was not happy with all the bloody noise I woke up to. Frankly enough, I was pissed.

My head hurt as I staggered to the sink to wash my face up, because there is no point in trying to go back to bed. Having tried to calm myself down by taking deep breaths does not really help, and as I was about to just tell her how I would appreciate it if she could be more gentle with the way she handle stuff, she already stomped out of the room. Being a typical millennial which I am not proud about, I resorted to the internet to grumble, saying something along the lines of: “Does anyone here actually know how to handle things gently?” Having felt like I let out something out of my chest already, I tried to carry on with the day, keeping in mind that at least I will have a moment to just slowly begin and plan my last hours of the weekend. All the efforts to be positive were destroyed by an unexpected reply I had from an acquaintance saying, “Why don’t you teach the person to?”

Mood. Fucking. Ruined. Twice.

Surely it was well-meant, but with what I had just came across earlier in the day, I just could not see that comment in a positive light. Honestly, is it really a good time to insinuate an ancient metaphor of “giving a fish or teaching one to fish” and preaching about which is more beneficial than the other? Really?

This makes me think about one’s capacity to be compassionate or considerate, or unassuming about others. It is perfectly fine if one has infinite ability to do any of the three; actually, good for you, perhaps you are the next one in line after Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi or Mohammed; name any morally superior figures or even God himself. Maybe next time, just keep in mind that not everyone has the same ability to put themselves on a pedestal as high as you put yourself into. Oh, and another thing: people ranting in any social media platforms are oooobviously not worth the time or effort of you knocking yourself off of your high horse. In my case, no thanks, you can stay high up there on your own. Methinks, unlike the lady doth, me heart is just not as big.

You may argue that it was just your casual take on the case, the act of free speech… that I shouldn’t take it too personally… yadda yadda yadda. Well, here I am chipping in my humble two-pence for you: nobody gives a single fuck of what you think or say, no matter how well-intentioned it is, especially if that person is evidently pissed. In all honesty though, as someone who considers yourself sanctimonious, being mindful and sympathetic about others is undoubtedly your inherent virtue. You really do not need me to elaborate more of it, pffffttt, what was I thinking?

Better yet, be my guest and do try to teach someone to change their long-held habit. It is quite apparent that I have not the patience that you appear to have.

To be fair, I did ask the roommate to be gentler as much as I asked her to clean up her sporadic hair fall to no avail. See, I did try to be the better person here, yet there is only so much you can do on your end to make things better. Some people really just are. In the case of the roommate, lightly put, that is just the way she handle things even if she is aware she is sharing a facility with another human being.

Whew, I guess it is clear enough I still held some anguish back as I wrote this down. But I suppose I am ending 2015 well with this particular story as I came to realize that I should at least try to be a little more tactful in what I say or write, and when I do so. That way, I will actually try to be more considerate, and not just come off as one, unnecessarily giving impromptu life lessons to those who are not in immediate need of them. Yup.

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