New Year Scare

Happy effin 2016. This is the one year I was not indifferent to because I am strongly expressing how I am not anticipating it the way people positively consider it as surviving another year… because obviously, new things are uncertain. Why do I react to this like the thought has never crossed my mind before then? Because I am about to transition to another phase of blatant unemployment nearing the second half of the year. I am graduating this summer… hopefully.

If I survived all the hullabaloo of thesis-writing, I will officially assume my degree of Master in Procrastination and LinkedIn Hobo, thus leveling up (?) from the state of covert to overt unemployment. I am freaking out because I have not any full-time job experience before hopping onto this whole gradschool ride, and I am scared shitless of the possibility of potential employers thinking I am either under or over-qualified for a position I am applying for and then proceeded to reject my application. I am currently looking for internship opportunities, which has been fruitless so far. The clock’s ticking, and I am horrified of the worst case scenario waiting for me by this August: the uselessness of the degree, even the program as a whole; wasting the last 3 years of my life.

To set it straight, I have readied myself on simply spreading my resume like wild fire and the high probability of me getting a job I might not necessarily like, because I do not even know what it is I like to do… well, at least anything that is worth a monthly salary. Yet the thought of actually having to go through such experience terrifies me. I do have some things I might be looking forward to do in the weekends, if I will properly have any by then, but I’m not even sure if that is enough to assure me I would not be eventually succumbed to the black hole of indifference and existential crisis; whether I consider it as enough an expression of identity and self-fulfillment. I am afraid that I will be consumed by greed as I hopelessly aim higher to turn those things profitable because I am sick of doing the other job for five days a week, while it is apparent that I might not have the odds to make it.


I apologize for my inability to unfailingly consider all of the least favorable possibilities.

I’m not even sure if writing it down may calm me down, because knowing the Internet, probably I would just prepare myself of getting bashed for being a whiny, ungrateful twat. Or simply that the post will never receive any form of response, which is probably the better of the two.

Maybe I should pick up ignorance as a new year’s resolution, which everyone prescribed as the recipe to bliss. I doubt it though… I mean, the whole “ignorance is bliss” thing as well as keeping any form of resolution throughout the year.

If you’ll excuse me, I’d best be on my way to write something else while looking for job vacancies now.


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