The Last Goodbye

Imagining death and life reflection for the prompt: Write your own eulogy.

Source: 365 Days of Writing Prompt by the dailypost.wordpress.com

Dear family and friends,

I trust this sort-of self-eulogy in the care of my best of friends, Lexie and Karan, to be read in the time of my death, shall they not depart the world before I do. Had they pass away, this would be conferred to my brothers, Ralph and Ray, as I reckon only both of them might find the idea less depressing than the rest of the family members.

Having been rather cynical towards the idea of being remembered or leaving a legacy and the sort, weirdly enough, I decided I would like to have a final word after having drawn my last breath as I picture I might not be coherent enough in my death bed. I assume it was either because of my anxiety issue which has never left me even in old age, or probably because I was found lifeless in my sleep after asking if there is enough warm water for bath, which of course does not mean anything no matter how hard one tries to decipher it as a certain metaphor about life, or superstitious musings.

So to clear up possible misunderstandings, allow me to share you an old woman’s take on roaming the earth for what I presume would be approximately 74 years of life.

Being born a millennial, I did not realize how I fit the stereotype until the time I finished university and realized how I much I care about achieving ultimate happiness and how everyone is entitled to it, up until the fallout in the pre-proper employment phase called graduate school. I started to embrace pragmatism in the workplace without looking back to those naive late adolescent days, because, really, beggars aren’t choosers. Not to that extreme though, because I still demand a decent pay, ability to be detached personally and maintain professionalism, and most importantly, weekends-off from work in my criteria of what constitute an okay job. Point is, your job should not, and does not define you or your happiness as a whole. There are other things you can dwell in and have fun with regardless it becoming your profession.

Another thing that is equally important is to choose your friends. I know, most people will tell you that you shouldn’t, but I tell you this for once, yes, you should. Make acquaintances, but do not let the toxic ones get the best of you just because you feel like you need to still be close to them no matter what. Being nice does not mean letting them corrode your sanity; sometimes you need to let go of them so that you can have better quality friendships with those who matter to you as much as you matter to them. Same goes with distant family members, or those who only approach you as though you’re the nearest bank to their household.

Little things can be meaningful, especially if you’re born a middle-class peasant like me. Social mobility, to some extent, is still, or at least appears as a myth when I was younger. So, write, read, play a musical instrument, video games or sports of your interest, without having the pressure it should be something big. There are no promises that it will be, either. Just have fun with it as long as the fates allow. Mine is preserved online in a blog. It was one of those days when I have neither regrets making one, nor worries about people coming to read it. I just like to write, and that is all that matters. Mind you, likes and nice comments are extras.

Lastly, I’d like to thank everyone who has managed to bear with having me around for the past years of my life. I honestly thought I will die a loner, which I don’t think is something that should be frowned or pitied upon. Nevertheless, it is the fact that having every one of you, who had developed, supported, criticized and loved me along the way which has edified life for me, which I still have problems to determine what it is up until the end. But I guess so does everyone else. Yet your existence in mine has made it less a bleak world to live in. Thank you. My prayers are with you.

Thus concluded my ramblings, which I am fully aware will be dismissed in no time. By no means I tried to implore you to do the otherwise, so please do not be terrified of the utterly preposterous nonsense, like a wrathful phantom haunting you should I not be remembered.

For those who happen to reminisce for old time’s sake, I wish you fond memories of an egalitarian pragmatic who is proud to have called you a loved one. In case of afterlife, until next time.

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