Allow Me to Offend

When was the last time your walked away from a discussion, only to think of The Perfect Comeback hours later? Recreate the scene for us, and use your winning line.

Source: Drawing a Blank

The snippets of conversation below are modified reconstructions of actual events in a bar that factually happened, which also contains part of the reasons why I hate social situations that requires me to mingle with strangers, both drunk and sober. 

“Oh yeah, that happened to me, too. I went here for an exchange some years ago, and I think it’s quite alright living here, seems like a cool country, so I came back.”

(from the actual words of someone who originally came from the said country, spoken aggressively) “See, that’s what I don’t get. Why do you think it’s alright living here? Why is it a ‘cool country’?”

“… Well, unless I have an inferiority complex like what you just demonstrated, I wouldn’t see what is so bad about living here.”

“But can you not download the app for free? I use it to listen to X radio, and I don’t think I need to register nor pay anything as well.”

(interrupts) “Wait, you listen to that radio station?”

“Yeah, sometimes. It was aight.”

“Wow, I can’t believe it.”

“… What? The fact that people have access to this invention called the Internet and that it enables them to listen or watch stuff from all over the world, or the fact that a doofus can’t process that?”

And of course, the classic.

“So, your name is Caroline?”


“But back in your country, that’s not your name, is it?”

“… No, no, you’re right. That can’t be my name because obviously I’m from fucking ‘Asia’. It’s actually a toh-tally ethnic word that you most likely can’t pronounce well, so to accommodate with your oh-so-feeble tongue, I opt for Caroline. And for the record, ‘Asia’ is the largest continent in the world, which means it is too damn huge to be put in a teeny tiny box with ‘exotic, difficult names’ as a description.”

But why would you make a scene in a situation when you actually just want to meet the one friend that matters, then get the fuck out as soon as you met the decent quota to leave?  Why stoop to their level if you actually don’t give the tiniest shit?

Alright, I simply don’t have brain-tongue coordination, and you should not make fun of physical defect.

Plus I’m a coward. There you go, now you can laugh at that.



  1. dilchh · February 24, 2016

    Love the last one


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