After the hullabaloo that is 2016, who would’ve really?
T’was a tough year for me. Emotionally, I felt like I was taken on a roller coaster ride full of twists and pitch falls in every turn of the month. Looking back, I recalled being somewhat weirdly excited that it was the Year of the Monkey, which is my sign of the Chinese Zodiac. On one hand, I was thankful that I managed to meet two full cycles, but on the other, I also remembered that traditionally, being in my běnmìngnián (one’s own zodiac year) was believed to bring bad luck. That news alone was enough to make me question my own conviction that I was never a superstitious person.
But was it really an unlucky year? Let me scribble it out below.
Evidently, the pros outweigh the cons, so it’s easy to say that it’s quite a good běnmìngnián. Personally, the one thing that makes me feel like a huge crisis was averted is the fact that I managed to graduate within the expected scholarship period. Considering I was also struggling with depression, procrastination and quarter-life crisis then, I guess me making efforts to seek professional help and coping through the snuggly comfort of books (special thanks to Neil Gaiman and his brilliant works; I am forever an indebted fan), blogging and writing were the best decision I made last year. I can’t say the same about not being able to secure a job as soon as I was done with school, but I learnt the art of taking things one step at a time, overcoming the worst fears I brought to my worrywart self.
In retrospect, heeding a warning by readying oneself rather than focusing too much on the possibility of having bad outcomes coming at you kinda’ does the trick.
Also, one of the beauty of not pushing oneself too hard on new year’s resolution is that as far as the year take me, you’d find yourself doing and eventually accomplishing things you’d not expect. Mine’s to write stories and to actually compile it into an eBook, which makes me want to pat myself in the back like I had never before (thanks Dila!).
The last months of 2016 was rough for many, I reckon. Keeping up with the news only is enough to break anyone’s hope for the future, including mine. But specifically, by then I was resettling home and found a lot of things are no longer a good fit for me to improve as a person. There are numerous times where I get too upset and frustrated because I felt trapped, being chained by tradition and my surrounding’s unsusceptibility to change. All my life, I have never continuously prayed that soon I will be somewhere I can grow as a person (in need of a space where I can be on my own two feet), a professional (not so much of the whole career and adulting thing people have been talking about, but because I need dem moneys) and a writer.
So I reckon it’s natural that I am still trying to get used to the fact that I made it to 2017. To be exact, I’d like to believe that once you passed 2016, 2017 probably would not be as bad, but in all actuality, who knows? With that in mind, I should probably just be grateful 2016 wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be.
On second thought, technically there are 25 more days before the Year of the Rooster. Oh well, I guess I should just keep an eye in case of any leftover misfortune this January.
Either way, pain is good for art. I’ll just keep writing. Just keep writin’, just keep writin’…