Adjusting Still

It’s been only two weeks, and much to my own disbelief, I realized a side of me I have never thought of seeing before.

Being meticulous has always been something I struggled with since I can remember. As I grow up, I learn that there are things that are just out of my control, and there are things that I don’t have to be all scrupulous about. One doesn’t have to be right all the time.

Then again, I must have sold myself a little too high, thinking that I have settled with it long ago.

No matter how many times I told myself not to be so hard on myself since it barely started yet, I think I do.

I’m not talking about me being unable to take criticisms because I beat myself too hard. I am talking about me being unable to answer the question, “So, how’s work so far?”

My answers will range from, “I don’t know. You tell me. How’d I do?”, to, “I think it’s been alright so far.” Sadly, none of these are completely honest. But hey, it’s just work, right? You as a person do not matter as much.

After a closer examination, I reckon this is rooted from that old tendency of covert perfectionism.  Not to mention the fact that I need to turn the switch back on for the job.

If I had been honest, I’d be saying something along the lines of, “I hate making or receiving phone calls because I have this ridiculous handicap of barfing up word salad due any day. I simply think formalities are a waste of time. I have just learned these new sets of vocabularies and entitlements that are apparently all important. Oh, and this whole new protocol is driving me nuts. Don’t even go to the fact that the previous person in my position ain’t exactly someone who is efficient enough to think of templates and designated folders.”

Yeah, you get my point. It feels like the days grew longer and the weekends shorter.

Funny that I need to reiterate: it has only been two weeks. Please tell me it doesn’t take long for someone to bitch about their jobs.

Still, I am thankful enough that I have people around me who are truly helpful and generous with their understanding. I guess it’s now up to my effort to catch up before that generosity fleets away as time goes.

As usual, the universe is always ready to prove me wrong whenever I skeptically (even negatively, most of the time) perceive a new beginning. I can’t help but hope that it will do it again this time around.

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2 comments

  1. Sherry Miyano · February 27

    All of the things that you’ve mentioned above are just normal for newcomers, juggling with day to day tasks while trying to adjust and navigate yourself in a workplace environment. Don’t worry, you will get the hang of it over time 🙂 At your worst day, just think about that monthly transfer that goes to your bank account

    “……the previous person in my position ain’t exactly someone who is efficient enough to think of templates and designated folders”
    If you can make it yourself, who knows you can use this for probation evaluation or salary readjustment: speeding up process of writing letters and classifying files?

    Like

    • Lol, yeah well, after a stupid mistake I did last week, I really wish I will eventually be able to adjust nicely. As for the latter, I guess you’re right. Deff will bring that up after the probation period. Thanks jie!

      Like

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