Lo and behold, another month passed and marked my fifth month on the job.
It seems like I learn more about my psyche all the way through June as my counselor asked me to keep track of positive things I learn at work–I know, took me barely three days to fail the daily task, but I guess you can’t really push what’s not there. I still attempt to note them, if any. I wish I do not miss the point of appreciating the experience while I am in it.
Another thing was, as much as June crushed my already torn spirit like no other, right now I can’t seem to recall how stressful it was because of the six-day holiday on the last week I had. Despite not being able to fully take my mind off of work (bloody last-minute requests; typical, yet still unjustifiable), I reckon not having to sit behind my desk sort of helps. Furthermore, I finally got a chance to meet up with my mates. Some of them I haven’t seen in months, some weeks, another in years. And I have never been more delighted to just spend time with them catching up and just chatting away about anything. I felt that not only that having company you wanted to be with somehow may increase your endorphin levels, but also that it makes you feel grateful that they are exactly where and when you need them to be. I am glad that I am still allowed having good friendship in my life.
The holiday also allowed me to take my family on a lunch out, which has not happened in almost a year. In that ridiculously petty moment, I was a tad happy for the advance extra I got that month. Funny because I never had much of a thrill in spending a huge amount of money for myself (hard to believe, eh?), especially in full knowledge of the situation we are in, but I was quite content with how my brothers seem to enjoy the day.
Most of all, I truly appreciate the time alone I got to spend just lounging around at home, sleeping in, reading and thinking. I was so thrilled that I could spend my day re-reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (my favorite) as a tiny tribute for the twenty-year anniversary since the book was published.
Other than that, June was fun because I got to do a bit of editing on the side. It has been so long, but I was quite elated to find I wasn’t as rusty as I expected I would be. I wholeheartedly wish that an opportunity will rise in this line of work by late November this year.
Either it really was the fun times outweighing the whimsical workdays, or I basically have a blasted memory of a chicken considering the memory of the holidays was still fresh in my mind, I guess I learned two things: (1) holidays are so important I should never overwork myself even though I manage to find a job I dislike less in the future, (2) maybe it is true that humans have the ability to replace the bad memories with the good, no matter how short or seldom it happens. After the holidays are over, I still dread timing in for work the next morning, but at the same time, I did not feel it was as burdensome as it used to be. I still realize how it was always hard to be constantly told you’re not good enough for five days a week, and people expect you to get over it in two days and start again. I still think adulthood sucks you to the bone and I still can’t get used to this pretentious, fake-it-’til-you-make-it shit that is required of you to survive adulthood. And yes, I still would rather be taken in my sleep to stop everything that’s happening in my life because I am just selfish that way. But the holiday high makes my mood better than it has ever been, much like, “Yeah, shit’s gonna happen, it always does. But hey, whatever. I’m feelin’ good and ain’t nothin’ can bring me down. Life, stop being a bitch ’cause I ain’t give a damn thing ’bout you.” I had no idea I have that much audacity in me, but it was great.
That being said, July has only started for a week, and suddenly I have to worry about August. More about this on next month’s recap.
For the time being, I wish this holiday high will last at least for another ten days.