Spiteful Lethargy

It does start to feel like the days passed faster.

Last Wednesday marked my seventh month on this job, and I’m not sure if anything has changed for the better or for worse. Despite being more at ease with the daily things I need to do for the main task, August has taken a toll on my patience–I truly had no idea I am capable of such intense emotions. To cut the story short, I was, in a way, structurally forced to take up a task that was not mine to begin with, and even though I have tried to argue back in the most civil and rational way possible, nobody cares. On top of it, since it suddenly became my responsibility, that meant I do not have any choice but make sure everything went well. Since it turned out unexpectedly well, that also implied that the bosses may “entrust” the work to me again because I “did a good job” before. That is where I draw the line–I am not staying for another year.

There already are two main challenges these coming weeks, and I can’t wait to get them over with. I am somehow enjoying this newfound numbness with my daily workload, which makes Friday to come seemingly faster than it used to. Unfortunately, somehow it also makes weekends pass quicker than I’d like them to be, and so the cycle goes. In hindsight, I may feel stupid for worrying over stuff too much, but now that any twists of the Murphy’s law can happen, I can’t help but be anxious.

As I am writing this, I realize my life has gotten even more dull each day I have started this job. Then I guess I am adulting right.

Not that I am happy about it.

2 comments

  1. dilchh · September 13, 2017

    Not to sound like a know it all, but that is exactly what jobs do to us mere mortals.. numb. Meh, innit?

    Like

    • pointlessphilosopher · October 15, 2017

      And I thought it’s better than all the overwhelming, conflicted feelings of stress that I have to cope with the first few months. Apparently, the world seems to have another goal in mind; to put you on shittier encounters/experiences that sensitize you back every time you feel you’re numb enough. So yeah, fml. Adulthood sucks big time

      Like

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