Anticipating Escape Avenue

One rainy December morning on my commute to work, half-awake and all, I found myself thinking, “I guess being an adult mostly involves me showing up to work every day while donning the most exhausted version of me.”

Eleven days ago marked my tenth month on the job, and I can tell you folks that I am dreading for February to come faster.

November, without a doubt, has been the shittiest month due to the fact of the office drama that unveiled, and most significantly how it tried to entangle me into its mess. To cut the story short, I just found out how these people rather play this stupid faction game instead of solving the real problem that caused it (bad communication, unclear job descriptions, you know the drill), and how some of them used this situation to their own advantage when necessary. The latter was when I somehow was dragged onto this whole hodgepodge of hierarchic, hypocritical hogwash, and that was when I rest my case on getting out of this job as fast as I can.

To be fair, the last three months have probably been the best in terms of working and communicating with the boss, who is by far more collaborative and levelheaded than my previous one. But then again, there seems to be another problem lurking on the management system that is in dire need to be settled before he leaves. Yes, in less than a week, I will have a new superior, who knows nothing of the stupid drama at work, and maybe more hesitant to set things straight in order to save face. I am already scared to death on how I will be able to adjust and communicate accordingly to this new guy’s personality, and now there is this nonsense going on. See how this is simply bigger than me?

I mean, gimme a break. I just wanted to be done with my job and get paid every month. Can I just please stay away from your infuriatingly irrelevant theatrics?

It is nearing the end of the year, and I still cannot fathom how odd (and at times insulting) adulthood can be. At least in this experience, I found myself surrounded by a bunch of people in power who dresses professionally, talks about being responsible and has a lot of pride about how serious their jobs are; but truly, what they do is act as if they are responsible while they simply take pleasure in delegating tasks to others, pressure their employees to do their biding to look good in front of the boss, and bask in the glory of appearing “professional”.

This feels, to put it plainly, very repulsive to me, and also very dispiriting. Like, maybe no matter the company or institution, they all have the same culture that is disrespectful, ferocious and ignorant, and that we all just need to succumb to it. Seeing that it’s at least going to be how I am spending 30% of my day, 24% of my week, and 20% of my month for the rest of my life, I’d rather not. I cannot.

But now I am at that point where I need to get myself out of this place, just so that I can distance myself from the toxicity that has disrupted my daily responsibilities. How the next job will be is another problem to worry about later.

I can sense the storm coming and how it will rain cats and dogs in January. I understand I’ll get soaked pretty badly, but my best hope is that I’ll make it home in one piece.

Advertisements